“For the husband is the head of the wife” – Is hierarchy God’s design for marriage?
Many of you will know that Kerith has been on a journey when it comes to the role of women in the life of our church.
From a hard hierarchy twenty years ago where only men could hold positions of authority, we moved to a much softer hierarchy where women could serve in any position other than being an elder. We now hold a position where leaders are chosen solely on their character and their gifting, without gender being a factor.
This journey – which you can read more about here – led me to thinking about God’s design for marriage and specifically breaking down the role of both men and women in marriage.
Is there a hierarchy in marriage?
Somewhere along my Christian journey I picked up the idea that in marriage, the role of the husband was to lead and to be the primary authority while the wife’s role was to submit to that authority.
Until recently, I’d never really examined whether that was indeed what the Bible taught – it certainly wasn’t how my wife Catrina and I structured our marriage.
Over the last few weeks I’ve preached around our sites on this idea of hierarchy in marriage and unpacking what the Bible really teaches about marriage.
Is there hierarchy in the Godhead?
It’s interesting that some have even gone as far as embracing what many consider to be a heretical understanding of the Trinity, in order to justify their ideas on marriage.
Wayne Grudem in his Systematic Theology teaches that ‘the Son and Holy Spirit are equal in deity to God the Father, but they are subordinate in their roles … these differences in roles are not temporary but will last forever’.
This idea of hierarchy in the Godhead (often referred to as ESS or Eternal Subordination of the Son), has been used as a way of justifying hierarchy in marriage. Despite a brief flurry of popularity for ESS, most theologians now seem to consider it to be a form of Arianism, an early church heresy which taught that Jesus was not equal to the Father.
For anyone interested in reading more, one of my WTC Graduate Diploma essays was on this question – you can find a version of that essay here.
Important things to note when evaluating marriage
1. Every marriage is different
The conclusion I’ve come to is that God’s design for marriage isn’t hierarchical but mutual submission, consent and sharing of authority between husband and wife. However, this will look different in every marriage and it is for every couple to figure out what it looks like for them.
2. I’m not telling anyone what to think
I want to be clear that I’m not telling anyone what conclusions they should come to on this issue. You don’t have to hold a particular line on marriage to be a part of Kerith. I’m instead encouraging each of us to think for ourselves, to challenge some of the assumptions we might have grown up with and to learn how to study the Scriptures for ourselves.
This is important for several reasons:
For all of us who call ourselves followers of Christ, we need to learn how to answer the big questions of life from the Bible, not just on this issue but on many others.
We need to be unafraid to wrestle with passages in the Bible which we find confusing, challenging, controversial or counter cultural.
For those of us who are married we need to seek to structure our marriages as God intended.
Passages in the Bible on marriage have been used by some husbands to justify abusing their wives and have been used to persuade some wives to stay in abusive relationships. We must know how to refute any reading of the Scriptures which leads to those conclusions.
Digging in for yourself – some resources
For me it’s been a fascinating journey as I’ve sought to work out God’s plans for the roles of men and women, both in church and in marriage. I’m pretty sure that I’ve reached a destination which for me makes sense of both my understanding of the Bible and the big story of God’s plan for redemption.
I’d love to share some resources that helped me as I began to explore this topic:
When I started exploring this topic, I began reading as many relevant books and papers as I could. I wrote my conclusions in a paper which you can find here.
The book which I found most helpful was Men and Women in Christ by Andrew Bartlett, which is available on Amazon and other bookshops. Bartlett is both a theologian and a judge, who produces a forensic style of analysis of the various Biblical texts, of which I found very helpful.
If you want to go wider there is a much more extensive bibliography at the end of my paper on women elders.
I’d really encourage you to spend some time exploring this topic yourself, before hearing the conclusions I came to and shared in my preach. And I’d love to hear where you’re at on your journey, please comment below.
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