I am a leader and I am a failure. Looking at making mistakes and asking for forgiveness
What was your biggest ever failure?
One of mine came early in my preaching career.
I was giving a talk at church and for some reason I was telling a story about Sir Alex Ferguson, who was manager of Manchester United. I was explaining that Sir Alex threw a boot at David Beckham and hit him on the head, and how it left a mark on Beckham’s ‘carefully manicured forehead’.
Except I didn’t say ‘forehead’. I said ‘foreskin’.
For a few moments I couldn’t understand why everyone was laughing. Then I realised. I was mortified. Fortunately, I don’t think the meeting was recorded, but you can guess what everyone remembered from my talk that day.
The mistakes I have made
That was a funny, if not a little embarrassing, failure... But I have made much worse ones.
The mistakes I have made as a son, as a husband, as a parent, as a friend, as an employee and as a church leader. All of these mistakes have made a mess of situations I was involved in and sometimes hurt the people I love deeply.
I feel much less free to talk about those failures. Many of them still carry a strong sense of shame, regret and sadness.
I wonder if you have those too? I am sure if you are honest you do.
Over the years I feel like I’ve learnt quite a lot about being a failure! I thought it might be helpful if I shared a few of the lessons I’ve learnt along the way.
Lessons I’ve learned about failure
1. It’s important to accept that we are all failures
Perhaps the hardest gospel message for us to accept is that we are all failures. We have all sinned. We have all fallen short of not only our own standards, but more importantly of God’s standards for us. John writes:
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”
(1 John 1:8)
One of the things I love about the Bible is its honesty about the human condition. And not just an abstract honesty but specific details of the failures of some of the people we would consider to be the heroes of the Bible.
Noah gets drunk (Genesis 9:20-21).
Abraham lies, saying that his wife is his sister, putting her life at risk (Genesis 20:2).
His son Isaac does the same (Genesis 26:7).
David commits adultery and has a man murdered (2 Samuel 11:1-27).
Peter denies knowing Jesus three times (Matthew 26:69-75).
Paul persecutes Christians and has them put in prison (Acts 8:3).
When we genuinely fail, we need to own our failure, repent of it (which means turning away from the way we were going and turning towards God), ask for his forgiveness and receive forgiveness as a gift from him.
Although I am a failure, ‘there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 8:1).
2. God uses our failures for good
I may be a failure, but God is in the business of using failures.
One wonderful example of this is Peter. Only a few weeks after denying Jesus, he is preaching a sermon on the day of Pentecost, which leads to over 3,000 people repenting of their sin and getting baptised.
One of my biggest failures was a church plant I was part of before coming to Kerith Community Church. I was one of the leaders and when it all fell apart, the senior leader blamed me for the failure.
That seemed very unfair at the time and I felt crushed by it all - I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be in leadership again. But I see now that many of the lessons I learnt through that experience have equipped me to be the leader I am today.
Part of the wonder of the gospel is that God takes our failure and brings good from them, both in our lives and the lives of others.
3. Comparison with others often leads to feeling like a failure
I look at other church leaders who are leading churches which are growing far more rapidly than Kerith and feel like a failure. I look at preachers who have tens of thousands of people hanging on their every word and I feel like a failure. I look at christian authors whose books fly off the shelves and I feel like a failure. I look at christian bloggers and podcasters who have thousands of readers and subscribers and I feel like a failure.
But none of these things are a failure in God’s eyes.
God didn’t call me to be any of those people – he called me to be me, with my primary identity coming not from what I achieve but who I am – a child of God saved by grace.
There’s a moment in the story of David defeating Goliath, that Saul tries to put his armour on David (1 Samuel 17:38-39). David can’t even walk when he puts it on, and so he takes it off.
Are you trying to wear someone else’s armour, comparing yourself with them, their gifting and their achievements? If so, take that armour off, stop focussing on others and instead be true to who God has made you to be and what he has called you to do.
4. Feeling like an imposter, but carrying on anyway
I remember years before I took over leading Kerith, I was going to a leadership seminar at the Stoneleigh Bible Week. I walked in genuinely expecting the steward on the door to stop me because I clearly wasn’t a leader.
Of course, they didn’t, but that feeling of not being a ‘proper’ leader - of being an imposter and a failure before I’d even started - has never gone away. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like that.
Moses tries to tell God that he’s just not up to the job (Exodus 4:13). Gideon tells God he’s got the wrong man (Judges 6:15).
With time, I’ve come to realise that not feeling up to the job is a blessing. It forces me to put my trust in God rather than myself. It forces me to gather people around me who can do the things I can’t. And it reminds me that when things do go well, it wasn’t through my own brilliance, but God’s.
5. Some failure is essential.
There is some failure which is sin. But there is some failure which comes from us attempting something and it not working out the way we hoped. I think that sort of failure is essential, as long as we learn the lessons it is teaching us.
In fact if we don’t fail from time to time, then we probably aren’t stepping out and stretching ourselves - and our faith - enough.
One example of this for me is praying for healing. I’ve had plenty of ‘failures’ praying for healing. There are many people I have prayed for who have showed no discernible improvement in their condition. Some people have even gotten worse - sometimes much worse.
But I don’t regret a single one of those failures, because I know that sometimes when I pray people are healed. If I gave up after my first failure, I’d have never seen those healings that did take place. Also, I know that people appreciate the love and faith that praying for them expresses, even when there is no immediate improvement. So when it comes to my prayers for healing - I’m going to keep on failing!
Taking a moment to reflect
I’d love to encourage you to take a moment to think about if any of these lessons resonate with you.
Have you accepted that you are a failure, just like me?
Have you asked God for forgiveness for your failures?
I’d love to hear your honest reflections in the comments section. And if you’d like some help dealing with anything I’ve talked about in this blog, we have a fantastic pastoral team who would love to hear from you.
Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash